When you make a reference and someone actually gets it.
If you have suffered a tragedy and someone says, “you’re in my prayers” with sincerity, and you respond with some egotistical shit about being atheist you are an emotionally inept moron.
For real though, like think about it. If someone is religious, there’s really no kinder sentiment they can express than appealing to the highest power they know for your recovery. Whether or not you think it “works” is irrelevant— the kindness is absolutely real.
I have a problem with this. You should never, EVER make a religious comment to someone who has suffered tragedy unless you know that they share your beliefs. It’s selfish of you. Here’s why.
I lost my dad when I was thirteen. I went to a predominantly conservative Christian school. I got a lot of ‘praying for you’ type comments, as well as even more inappropriate ‘he’s in heaven now’ stuff.
It all made me incredibly uncomfortable and essentially added to my trauma. I wasn’t an atheist then and I’m not one now, but my relationship with religion is a complex one (I’m queer. do the maths). And my dad was an atheist who would have hated ‘praying for you’ type comments, a fact I had to be reminded of every time I received one. However kind these people were trying to be, they were re-traumatising me. That is not okay.
In my state of grief, do you seriously want ME to be considerate of YOUR feelings and beliefs? Because, you know, I don’t have enough shit to shovel at this incredibly traumatic, difficult time?
Fuck that selfish bullshit. I’m sure you mean well, but my dad fucking died and if your way of being ‘kind’ is adding to my pain I can and will tell you to stop. I wish I’d had the guts to tell people to stop back then.
I especially hated the religious comments I received at school because those people were never interested in actually helping me. ‘Praying for me’ was an easy stop gap because they didn’t know what else to say, but it made THEM feel better (but fuck how I feel, right?) Gross.
People actually concerned for me did a number of things, most usually asking how I was and if I needed anything. They did not make assumptions about what would comfort me, they did not judge me for being snappy and emotional. They accepted my grief in whatever forms it took and they offered practical help to pull me and my family through it. If they wanted to make a religious comment they ASKED FIRST about my beliefs and/or my dad’s.
It is not about you, well-meaning prayer-givers. Okay? It just isn’t. Stop making it about you. My fucking dad died. I don’t care how you feel.
I think you missed the point the first two were trying to make?